Hell Week

I'd like to start tonight by reminding you how much I sincerely love my little princesses. They are truly the light of my life, and I don't know how I ever enjoyed life before them.

This week is a big one for our family. On Thursday, Ryley will turn 3 and on Friday, Delaney will turn 5. I know what you are thinking, and NO, we did not intend to have birthdays so close together. In fact, I hate it--kind of for the girls (read on), but mostly for me.

It's Hell.

Flashback to the moment I realized I was expecting a second child and did the little mental math we all do to realize the birthdays would fall within the same month. Somehow, from that moment on, I KNEW we would one day be screwed in the birthday department.

Thing 2 was born in the wee hours of the morning before Thing 1's second birthday. I bawled all the way to the hospital after my water broke, crying because I know how girls are--and I knew that one day, there would be mean, catty fights over birthday sleepover weekends and the likes.

I never expected it to happen at ages 3 and 5.

Delaney decided this year that she does NOT want to share her party with her sister. In her little sassy voice, she informs me that it is "not fair to have to share a party with Ryley just because she came the day before (her) birthday."

GRRR....No one warned me the smart-assness would start so soon. But I'm up to my ears in it and she is not even 5--yet. Small cry for help.

Not only has she decided she doesn't want to share her birthday, she has decided she wants her party to be girls ONLY.

Normally, not that big of a deal. But it has apparently turned in to a bigger deal than I realized. Family politics, we all have it, so please stop laughing at me now.

Here is the rest of my week:
Tuesday--work
Wednesday--work, shop for remaining birthday gifts
Thursday--Thing 2 turns 3. Take kids to preschool with cupcakes for both classes, get nails done and eyebrows waxed so I don't scare kids on Saturday, pick up small birthday cake that is wickedly overpriced, meet my mommy for lunch, pick up kids, spend the afternoon reminiscing about searing pain and colicky baby that was born 3 years ago today.
Friday--Thing 1 turns 5. Regular morning chores, take girls to buy party favors, plates, cups, etc. for Saturday,take Delaney to see Butch the donkey (what an ass) as a surprise, pick up small birthday cake that is wickedly overpriced, spend the afternoon reminiscing about searing pain and my angel baby that was born 5 years ago today and has now turned into a little b#tch 60% of the time, looking forward to the teenage years.
Saturday--back-to-back birthday parties. You don't want details. I don't want details. It's going to be Hell. If any of my true friends read this, they will bring booze.

Not only is this Hell week for us, here is my real rant: Why do the kids get the celebration? Shouldn't it be us mothers? Shouldn't WE be the ones to get a cake and a party to remember what we went thru to birth a baby?

Morning sickness. Indigestion. Exhaustion. Backaches. Swollen feet. Stretch marks. Jimmy legs. Tender boobs. Swollen boobs. Leaky boobs. Growing an extra boob. Bloodwork. More bloodwork. Sticking things where I've never been stuck before. Braxton Hicks contractions. Real contractions. C-section. Catheter. Detached stomach muscles. Rabid wolverine chewing on my nipples. How does something with no teeth chew on my nipples? Do I need to keep going? I'm not even 24 hours past the first birth yet...I've not even gotten to the colicky one.

Being a mama is tough stuff. I've said it over and over, I'll say it again. I have the toughest bosses ever. They are the most gorgeous bosses ever, and they are a lot of fun, but one day they will have hormones and hate me. I'll probably have plenty of times I won't like them, either.

Several years ago, I started sending my mommy flowers on my birthday every year to say "thank you." Two years ago, I even sent flowers to the king's mommy to say "thank you."

Forget the flowers--I want a nanny, a party planner and a winning lottery ticket.

This week is going to be a lot of fun for Thing 1 and Thing 2. It will make me happy to see them having so much fun.

For me, though, the week will be Hell. See you there!