This afternoon, the girls and I went to Wilson's Beach Club for Delaney's BFF Kayla's 5th birthday party. Holy geesh...the Von Talge's know how to throw a birthday party! Not only is there the excitement of the pool and the big water slide and all the regular "birthday stuff", but there was a very special guest in attendance...Cinderella! And not just ANY Cinderella, this one did magic and painted faces AND could do balloon animals. It was great--even the boys loved it! So that was AWESOME and the girls LOVED it. Of course, now they both think THEY need princesses at their parties in November, but I'm secretly hoping they will forget. It was great! As we say in my homeland, a good time was had by all, as you can see!
Delaney and Kayla
Delaney really wanted to curtsy with a "real" princess for a picture, but she just looks as if she has to pee.
Delaney and Kayla
Delaney really wanted to curtsy with a "real" princess for a picture, but she just looks as if she has to pee.
This is a very meaningful picture of Delaney and her current favorite thing in the world, Xyley. Xyley is a Barbie Mermaid from "Barbie and the Mermaid Tale". She goes everywhere with Delaney. In fact, you likely noticed her in...ALL the pictures above. It's close to an unhealthy relationship, in all honesty. This picture is what we shall call Exhibit A.
Allow me to digress a moment and say I had no intention of swimming today. First of all, I was without a partner--and I was clever enough to go off without the life jackets. And I'm a worrywart around water because the extent of my abilities is the doggy paddle. Secondly, I went to this same pool last Sunday and got the mother of all sunburns. Seriously, my back looks like Freddy Krueger's face. So I really didn't want to take off my shirt in front of a lot of people I don't know--the other parent/party-goers. Finally, I had put a little makeup on the cheeks to cover the acne that will never go away, but I skipped the eyes--after all, I was to have sunglasses on all afternoon. This is what we call foreshadowing.
Back to the pool. Kayla is an incredible swimmer. She was cool with going down the big slide alone. Delaney wanted to go, too. No biggie. But Xyley can't go. So she sits Xyley down to watch--after all, we are at Wilson's Beach Club. Not just any riff-raff can come here.
And that's when shit went down.
Five minutes later, we've been down the slide, slapped high fives and are headed back to Xyley. Mommy realizes before Delaney that Xyley is not where we left her. No big deal, a couple of other little girls had asked to play with her a few minutes and were very nice and all was good. But I REALLY couldn't find her. Anywhere. And then Delaney noticed she was not where she was supposed to be and started to get upset. She was pacing back and forth saying, "I know she must be right around here" and trying to keep it together. And then I heard a terrified Delaney: "OH NO--those boys are throwing Xyley's head!"
Yep, so little assclown had violated Xyely and were--no kidding--playing keep away with her little barbie head. Delaney FREAKED. I was pissed beyond belief. Seriously? Are we at Albert-Oakland pool?
The mama bear instinct kicked in.
"Hey--you little jerks. Where is the body that goes with that doll's head?" Of course, they just "found" the head and had no idea where her body was. "Give me that head RIGHT NOW." Only as I am writing this now does the true humor of this statement present itself... So they throw it and quickly swim away...and in true Hollywood fashion, Barbie's head rolls to a stop looking right at Delaney.
In all honesty, I think the little assclowns felt bad because Delaney was hysterical by this time, screaming "Where is her body? Where is her body?" And then she broke my heart, "This is the worst, most saddest day of my life," as she crumpled to the concrete in defeat, clutching the barbie head to her heart.
At this point, I realize I have to find the body if I want to keep Delaney from permanent damage. Operation Xyley, search and recovery must be launched.
I calm Delaney down enough to convince her she needs to go tell Kayla about the jerks and suggest she prays that God will help keep Xyley's body safe. It buys me 5-10 minutes, tops. I have to work fast.
Once she is safe in shallow water, I realize I've been dragging Ryley back and forth through the water this whole time and I can't leave her alone in the shallow water--she is too much of a water daredevil and I just don't trust her. So she and I start to walk laps around the pool thinking the little assclowns severed her head and left her body on a chair, on the concrete, hid it behind some bags, anything.
Five minutes later, still no body. I notice Delaney and Kayla have launched their own search mission. As a mother, I'm pretty panicked. This is that "one thing" of Delaney's right now. My child is hurting, and of course I want to make it stop. Sure, we can always buy another one, but
I'm known for going great lengths to retrieve what is rightfully mine (aka stolen purse).
As I'm contemplating slapping the shit out of these boys and their parents, I see a glimmer. Could it be? Has God heard Delaney's prayers? And then relief hits me...it's the body of Xyley, the blue mermaid. In one piece (minus her head, of course).
And it is in the deep end of the Wilson's Beach Club pool.
In retrospect, I realize I could have asked one of the lifeguards to retrieve Xyley. But at that moment, the adrenaline was coursing thru my veins and I was not really thinking at all. In addition, I realized how big of a hero I would be to Delaney for a very long time. And I realized that I would be happy to do something as minor as diving into the deep end of the pool to make her heart stop hurting--because one day soon, it will not be possible for me to do much at all to heal her heartache.
I plant Ryley in a chair with very harsh implications for her moving. And I take off the sunglasses and show myself to the world. I think I even heard Olympic music playing in the background during my seemingly slow-motion walk to the side of the pool.
I went in. I dove down.
Mind you, I wear contacts, so I couldn't open my eyes. And while I'm very proud of my first week at the gym, I'm wickedly out of shape. And I hate deep water.
I came up with nothing. Ryley says, "Did you get her?" I ignore her.
I go back down. This time, I would not surface empty-handed.
Operation Xyley, Search and Recovery was successful.
As I swim to the side with the headless body of Xyley, the group of assclowns resurfaced. "Hey--that's the body of that doll's head! I mean, it must be! You found it!" Ironically, it was due north of where they had been playing catch with her head. Imagine that! I considered dunking the kid, but opted for the high road.
Instead, as I dripped around the pool, Ryley in tow, Delaney's face could have lit Columbia with the shine of her smile as she realized what I had recovered. She came running up, head in hand, screaming, "Oh mommy--you FOUND her body!" Luckily for Delaney, I was THE brain surgeon of Barbie back in Milan, not limited to but including the reattachment of heads.
Xyley is now in one piece again, safe and sound. Delaney realized she was missing her necklace, but I told her the necklace was beyond recovery and not mission critical. She's cool with that. More than cool. In fact, on the way home, as she was cradling Xyley, she said, "Mommy, you are a really great Mom. Thank you." Tear.
I guess boys will be boys (aka assclowns and/or jerks by definition), and my daughter thinks I'm a great mom, so all is well.
Maybe I'll train to be a Navy Seal.
You ARE a really great mom! I see Navy Seal training in your future. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteOnly this could happen to you! Love it! Can't wait to read more posts!
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